Reality Check on the 7 Stages of Grief

The "7 Stages of Grief" are typically known as: 

1. SHOCK & DENIAL

2. PAIN & GUILT

3. ANGER & BARGAINING

4. DEPRESSION & LONELINESS

5. THE UPWARD TURN

6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH

7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE

Real grief or to truly grieve the loss of a good, is virtuous, is in varying temporary degrees, and occurs separately from and has nothing to do with denial, self-blame (false guilt), anger, depression / despair, or loneliness and emptiness.

"Normal" correctly and originally means functioning according to the rules of what is objective goodness and truth, which would make these so called first 4 stages: denial, self-blame (false guilt), anger, and depression, including loneliness and emptiness...Unvirtuous and Abnormal.

Normal being defined as "what most people are doing" does not mean healthy or holy; for we are all imperfect sinners.

Therefore we need to learn how to recognize what is sin (both interior and exterior), and the difference between sin (absence of Truth, Love, and Virtue; aka irrational) and Truth, Love, and Virtues...not make the comparison with what everyone is doing or not doing.

Every so called "stage" of reacting to the loss of something is our free will choice and therefore does not have to happen.

These so called "stages" do not just appear and disappear as if uncontrollable. We actually have to choose to have them, and we need to choose to go to Jesus Christ for healing if  we have chosen to have the harmful ones.

The behaviors of: denial, self-blame (for what you could not control), feelings of anger, depression/despair, loneliness, and emptiness...are all chosen by our free will and intellect through many chosen false beliefs, unrealistic expectations, and wrong wants/desires contrary to God's will, thereby being the absence of Truth, Love, and Virtue.

All of our psychological emotions and feelings are directly and only caused by what we have intellectually chosen with our free will to: be attracted to, like, dislike, want/desire, expect, believe, and think. 

If our emotions are harmful, that means that they are being caused by our freely chosen wrong, false and unloving: attractions, likes, dislikes, and wants/desires, and unrealistic expectations, false beliefs, and/or irrational thoughts.

Humility is the virtue from God that gives us the ability to want, recognize, and accept Truth and Love (including all virtues). This is why Humility is the primary and most important virtue. 

Here is a basic break-down of the irrational ways we choose to behave, which modern psychology mislabels as a part of "grief":

Denial

Denial  is a refusal to accept objective Truth and Love and therefore Reality; i.e. God and His Will. This makes denial the sins of pride, selfishness, and being controlling based in what is false and unloving that we have intellectually chosen to believe, expect, and want.  Denial is the absence of the Virtues of Humility, Trust in God and Acceptance of God’s Will. 

Self-blame

Self-blame for what one cannot control is the sins of: pride, idolatry, and being controlling based in what is false and unloving that we have intellectually chosen to believe and want.  Self-blame about what we cannot control is the absence of the Virtues of Humility and Acceptance.

Anger

Anger is throwing a temper tantrum about not getting my selfish way, being controlling, impatient, refusing to accept the Will of God, a list of fears, and distrust in God. Anger is the absence of the Virtues of Charity, Humility, Patience, Acceptance, and Trust in God.  [Anger is not Righteous Indignation or Zeal, both of which are Virtues that Jesus Christ exhibited.]

Depression / Despair

Depression / despair  is a complete distrust in God, (Believing God is unloving or false in some ways with no facts other than our subjective perspectives on life to prove it, including but not limited to: believing God doesn't bring good out of everything, believing I have more Truth than God, and believing I know better than God), hopelessness and self-pity (believing: my emotions are caused by external facts, there is no good about what is happening, nothing will ever get better, there is no solution that I have control over, the only way for me to meet my needs is to get exactly what I want, and I am a helpless victim with no solutions, i.e. there is nothing I can do to help myself stop suffering)...All of these beliefs are the absence of Truth, Love, and Virtue (i.e. sins). 

Therefore, depression / despair is completely self-centered (selfish), while having a plethora of chosen wrong, false and unloving intellectual actions about: oneself, God, and how others relate to us, while refusing to think we are wrong about any of it (pride).  Depression / despair is the absence of the Virtues of Hope, Charity, Humility, and Trust in God.

Loneliness or Emptiness

Feeling loneliness or emptiness is simply feeling the degree of the void in our intellectual soul where we are distrusting and rejecting God, Truth, Love, and Virtue, and therefore, are blocking God filling us with Himself, Love, Truth, and Virtues, Peace, Contentment, and Fulfillment. We will also feel loneliness and emptiness if we are in any way lacking a close friendship with Jesus Christ. Since God is always lovingly with us, and intimately so if we want Him to be, then even if we are apart from or rejected by human beings, we have no logical reason to feel lonely or empty apart from our degree of distrust and rejection of God.

When we have any one of these sinful behaviors or emotions from this list, or any other harmful psychological emotion, feeling, or sinful: attraction, like, dislike, want/desire, expectation, belief, or thought, the only way that these go away rather than being stuffed down, is if we choose to directly and specifically repent of them:

1. "Lord Jesus I am sorry for..."

2. "Lord Jesus please heal me of this..."

3. "Lord Jesus please fill me Your Graces, Virtues, Love, and Truth to replace what you are healing in me."

4. "Lord Jesus please show me Your Truth about..."

5. "Lord Jesus please help me to listen to You and hear You."

6. "Lord Jesus please help me forgive...; "I do forgive!", (whomever you need to: God, self, another, and/or a person who died)."

7. "Thank You Jesus for Your Healing, Truth, and Love!"

"Lord Jesus please help me feel and experience Your Love for me, Thank You."

"My Lord Jesus I’m sorry that I do not want Your Will, please heal me, show me Your Truth, and give me Your desire to want Your Will, Thank You."

"Lord Jesus Christ, I am sorry that all my perspectives and attitudes, priorities and judgments, and wants and desires, are wrong, please heal me, show me Your Truth, give me Your HUMILITY in order to recognize and accept Your Truth, and give me Your Perspectives and Attitudes, Priorities and Judgments, and Wants and Desires on everything, Thank You."