Putting the Soul
back in Psychology!
Venting...It's not what you think.
Speaking with another person about our struggles can be both good and necessary. We often need to talk things through—whether to problem-solve a situation, gain clarity, receive an outside perspective, examine our own errors, bounce ideas off someone else, or simply find support, comfort, and empathy. These are healthy reasons to seek conversation when facing unpleasant or difficult circumstances.
However, whom we choose to talk to and how we speak about our problems—especially when they involve others—matters greatly. And truthfully, these conversations are not always done well. If our primary intention is simply to “vent,” we will cause more harm than good.
In modern psychology, venting usually means unloading frustrations in order to feel heard. Yet, when we vent in this way, our focus is often on portraying ourselves as innocent victims who have done nothing wrong. We assume our perspectives are correct, rarely present the full picture, and sometimes exaggerate or omit important details. In doing so, we fall into a number of harmful behaviors—sins understood here as the absence of Truth, Love, and Virtues (that is, the absence of God, who embodies them fully).
When we vent, we may be guilty of:
1. Complaining
2. Failing to accept reality
3. Distrusting God
4. Rejecting outcomes we dislike, whether good or bad, which are God's will
5. Indulging in self-pity
6. Acting as if we are innocent victims
7. Scapegoating instead of becoming self-aware of our own sins
8. Blaming our feelings
9. Idolizing humans (including ourselves) over God
10. Misjudging or being judgmental
11. Making assumptions
12. Rationalizing that venting is always good and necessary
13. Holding unrealistic expectations
14. Perfectionism / Intolerance of imperfections
15. Impatience
16. Acting selfishly in various ways
17. Indulging sinful emotions such as fear, worry, stress, anxiety, anger, offense, upset, or resentment
18. Hypocrisy
19. Refusing to forgive and/or harboring bitterness
20. Pride in believing we are always right
21. Failing to offer our struggles as sacrifices to God for ourselves and others
22. Neglecting to seek proper discernment with God in searching for truth and repentance
In addition, venting often leads to related sins and distortions: dishonesty, disregard for the person we are speaking about, poor communication that blocks resolution, triangulation, playing into the drama triangle of false savior, persecutor, and victim, rallying others against someone we are in conflict with (“build our team”), gossip, slander, and detraction (damaging another’s reputation by exposing unnecessary private truths).
For all these reasons, while it is right and sometimes necessary to seek wise counsel from others, our first and greatest recourse must be God Himself. He alone is the perfect source of Truth, Love, and Virtues. In His presence we can recognize our own errors, surrender flawed perspectives and attitudes, and discern the best solutions to our problems. At the same time, we must repent of the fears and other sins that keep us from receiving His Truth, Love, and Virtues.
