Putting the Soul
back in Psychology!
Our own sin (absence of Truth+Love+Virtues) causes our bad emotional suffering...NOT the sin of others.
LIE: "Other's sins emotionally HURT us" (aka make us feel hurt, rejected, unloved, etc.)
LIE: "Other's [non-physical] sins HARM us" (aka prevent us from getting our needs met or make us do something we don't want to do)
Yes others' sins prevent us from "getting our way", of which our way may be objectively a good, or we think it's a need, but regardless, that doesn't mean we "should" get our way. How so?! Just a minute, I'll get there.
Us not getting our way doesn't hurt or harm us objectively at all...we just "think" and "believe" it does. And thoughts and beliefs, etc. cause our emotions and feelings. If another sins and we "automatically" feel "afraid", "hurt", "upset", or "offended", by that, or "angry" about that...the correct question is...What are we automatically: unrealistically wanting, expecting, believing, and thinking about what's happening that is MAKING US FEEL: AFRAID, HURT, UPSET, OFFENDED, ANGRY, etc? And don't think that you will be self-aware enough to know all the answers; ask Christ Jesus to show you.
Just like the child who cries because he or she doesn't get to have and do what they want, that they think is a good for them or they think they need, when we adults don't get our good way, that means God doesn't want us to have our way, even if what we want is not an objective evil. The question is "Why?".
The answer: What does God want you to learn about yourself and learn to do differently and implement doing differently related to the Truth of how to become more Loving+Virtuous? The problem is not us not getting our way. The problem is that we don't want to learn the Truth about how to become more Loving, we don't want to be more Loving, and we don't want to learn how we fail to have the Truth; (aka how we are wrong), in many particular ways.
We have to continue to progress...either we are actively consciously trying to become a better person, or we are becoming a worse person. We do not stay the same! Usually things, including we, have to get worse before things and we can get better. But why?
When as a priority, in general and for the most part, we don't want to know or be what is objectively: True, Right, Good, Loving, Virtuous, but rather we want material / physical instant gratification (because we blame our emotional feelings on the physical and external), then things have to get worse for us (we get our way less and less) and we have to feel worse; aka we have to suffer more, before we are willing to cooperate correctly with God to do our part to make things better within ourselves and for ourselves.
Yes, all others' sins AFFECT us, however to believe this is a problem, IS YOUR PROBLEM:
you blaming your feelings (both bad & good) and sins on others,
you blaming yourself for others feelings (both good and bad) and sins,
you acting like you are a sinless helpless innocent victim,
you trying to make yourself the savior, someone else the scapegoat persecutor, and those you want to defend who can act, think, & speak for themselves sinless helpless innocent victims,
you selfishly using other people and things for love, acceptance, approval, value, and worth,
you not wanting others to change only for their own sakes, but rather for your selfish sake
you not wanting to be virtuous no matter how anyone else acts,
you justifying all your behaviors by rationalizing good intensions, while judging everyone else by your bad feelings and not getting your way with them,
you not trying to know God (Truth+Love+Virtues) better,
you not wanting to trust all the good God's bringing out of everything, including every time you don't get your way,
you not wanting to accept: reality, discomfort, temporary suffering, and/or not getting your way,
you not wanting to do penance to compensate for every one of your sins
...are all why you are emotionally suffering!
If you thought like a saint, you would believe that others sinning against you is a blessing of opportunities for you to:
speak Truth in Charity
be an example of Love and practice being truly loving (unconditionally loving)
repent and seek healing for your bad emotional reactions and the lies you believe that are causing them, which are all the absence of and rejection of God; Truth+Love+Virtues
utilize the opportunity to offer up the injustice as a sacrifice to compensate for your and others' sins in order to bring you closer to God; Truth+Love+Virtues
Every time someone else sins it is an OPPORTUNITY for YOU to learn and practice, in a plethora of ways, how to become more like Truth+Love+Virtues...which IS THE ONLY THING that will prevent and stop you from feeling emotionally afraid, hurt, upset, offended, angry, etc. when others sin, and make you Truly happy!
Being Truth+Love+Virtues always includes boundaries / limits; speaking Truth and saying "no" to what is bad; wrong; etc. Being Truth+Love+Virtues does NOT automatically mean "making others happy" or "making others feel loved", because these are impossible, for we cannot "make" anyone feel anything. Being Truth+Love+Virtues does NOT automatically mean doing what others want and giving them their way. This is all why we have to focus on, ask, and discern with Jesus the Christ how to be Loving...rather than thinking we already know how.
Others sins DO affect us, but this is NOT a problem because God is always bringing good out of the affects of others sins (even physical ones). Other's sins do NOT make us feel: afraid, hurt, upset, offended, or angry, and do NOT harm us objectively (unless physical). For our greater good, God wants the affects of others sins to affect us; that's His Direct Will so says St. Alphonsus de Ligouri, Doctor of the Church, in his book "Uniformity to God's Will"...because we "need" others to sin in order for us to have the opportunities and ways to become/practice Truth+Loving+Virtuous. Every time we or another sins there is a lesson aka Truths we need to learn and practice in how to become more Loving. When there is no physical or sexual abuse or no life-or-death issue, and we permanently end a relationship (verses temporarily or changing the degree level), this means that we don't want to learn how to be or practice being Loving.
Since people who try to negate one Truth with another, will project and fear that I am negating one Truth with another, and try to use the Truths I'm not going to be discussing here in order to try and negate what I'm teaching, I'll cover some of those now:
Yes, we can become physically harmed and even die by others' sins that directly create physical damage. This is not negated. And this still fits into what is explained in this article. Just because we don't want to experience any physical suffering or death through the sins of another person, that doesn't mean we shouldn't. Equally, just because we want to believe that we "should never" experience any physical suffering or death through the sins of another human, that doesn't make us right either. This article already explained why.
Furthermore, along with the Truths stated in this article, at the same time it is True that when someone else sins, whether the sin is physical or not, it is good and right for them to receive consequences (when necessary), and for us to do things to physically and psychologically protect ourselves and meet our own objectively good real psychological/spiritual and physical needs, as long as we do so in ways that are not sins/bad coping themselves, which means the ways are not objectively unloving/disrespectful to the other person or ourselves...regardless of how the other person sinned, and regardless of what the other person: feels, thinks, believes, expects, wants/desires, likes, dislikes, etc. Two wrongs don't make a right. Just because someone else is sinning, doesn't prevent us from harming ourselves and receiving just consequences if we choose to sin as well. Our failure to be loving in the face of another's unlovingness, will only result in us psychologically/spiritually/emotionally harming ourselves and meriting our own consequences. Taking revenge or having resentment are both sins.
For these reasons, we all need to learn what is and is not a sin, what are and are not proper limits of self-responsibility verses other-responsibility within what we can and need to control and cannot and need not control, what we need to ignore and walk away from verses engage in, what are wants/desires verses real needs, and what we need to blame ourselves for verses what are others' faults.
Begin by daily asking Jesus the Christ and the Holy Spirit to teach you and show you. God gives us EVERYTHING WE NEED. Therefore if you aren't getting what you think is a need; while doing everything in your control and ability to rightly and virtuously try to achieve it, it's not a need for you at this time. And every time someone sins against you, ask God to show you what Truths YOU NEED to learn from it and do differently.