The Psychology Of Loneliness

[Image by Piyapong Saydaung from Pixabay]

As beings created for communion, it is natural for us to experience loneliness, especially in the absence of human relationship. Here we will address three distinct types of loneliness: two of which are harmful and require healing, while the third is an objective reality to be accepted and offered up to God.

1. Belief-Based

The first and most common form of loneliness is the harmful emotional state caused by the false belief that we are completely alone or completely rejected at any point in time. This belief is always false, because God is always present with us and always loving and accepting us—regardless of whether we believe or feel this to be true or not.

This type of loneliness also arises when we prioritize human approval or presence over the truth that God is with us and loves us. Both the false belief and the emotional loneliness that result from it can—and need to—be repented of and healed.

2. Chosen Separation

The second type of loneliness is caused by the degree to which we consciously or subconsciously choose to reject God and His presence with us to some degree. Common signs of this form of loneliness include anxiety, depression, feelings of emptiness, or inner unrest.

Additionally, habitual sin— idolatrous addictions— or committing mortal sin, cuts us off from communion with God. As a result, this type of loneliness naturally follows. Everything contributing to this form of loneliness can and needs to be repented of and healed.

3. Ontological Separation

The third type of loneliness is arises from the objective separation between God our Creator and us as sinners who are not yet fully united with Him, though we were created for complete union. This type of feeling of loneliness feels nothing like the previous two types of loneliness. This loneliness feels distinctly different from the previous two.

This type of loneliness can be described as feeling a deep spiritual awareness of the absence of complete unity with God and with other human beings, of which we are all designed and created for. This form of loneliness cannot be fully relieved in this life, but only when we are completely united with God after physical death. The proper response to this loneliness is full acceptance and the offering of it to God in reparation for our sins and the sins of others.

Healing Loneliness at Its Root

As imperfect sinners, we suffer from varying degrees of pride, selfishness, and fear. In these ways—often unknowingly—we reject what is morally true, loving, and virtuous. Since God is Truth, Love, and Virtue Himself, every rejection of moral truth, love, or virtue in any degree, is ultimately a rejection of God, and this becomes the primary source of the harmful feelings of loneliness.

Therefore, the two principal steps toward healing harmful loneliness—and all other disordered emotions—are:

1. Daily self-awareness sought from God, and
2. Ongoing repentance for every way we reject or fail to live moral Truth, Love, and Virtue.