Putting the Soul
back in Psychology!
If you believe demonic possession is exactly like and limited to the movie the "Exorcist"...consider yourself officially fooled by demons. Lord Jesus the Christ protect us
Preface: The Severe Demonic Obsession and Mild Possession of Schizophrenia and Bipolar with Psychotic Features
While it is true that according to the correct definition of Psychological [Of the Study of the Soul: intellect (mind) and free will] and Disorder [absence of proper order] and Dysfunctional [what does not function properly], that anyone who has irrational judgment (according to modern English use of the term irrational); aka fails to judge rationally, can be said to have a "Psychological Disorder". However, it is prudent to only use the labels for Psychological Disorders; mental disturbances (erroneously named "mental illnesses") on those who are suffering from the highest degrees of irrational judgment. The present general public, media, and professional world imprudently diagnostically label themselves and others willy-nilly at the drop of a hat, simply to exaggerate basic sinfulness, criticize others to try to make themselves feel superior, blame/justify sin, file an insurance claim, and sell a prescription. To define a person with a Psychological Disorder as "one who has a block to rational judgment", means that every interior and exterior sin is a Psychological Disorder. This being objectively true, is not how anyone in the fields of modern psychology and psychiatry has ever rightly used diagnostic psychological labels. Therefore, suddenly labeling every degree of sin a "Psychological Disorder; mental disturbance" (aka mental illness), in the current professional climate of ignorance of the soul, free will, and sin, would be gravely imprudent. Diagnostic Psychological labels are unnecessary for proper successful treatment using the "10 Steps to Lasting Healing (and Sanctity)" that Christ Jesus has been teaching me beginning in the winter of 1999. Psychiatric labels are only helpful in making an insurance company pay for services and nothing more. Diagnostic Psychological labels are too frequently misused by patients as a scapegoat for why they think they "cannot" change, too frequently misdiagnosed by medical professionals when they have no idea what a patient's problem actually is or how to treat it, including to prescribe a psychotropic medication the person does not need, and too frequently misused by the general public as an all-or-nothing curse of self and others. Therefore, it is prudent and charitable to avoid using the diagnostic Psychological Disorder labels unless absolutely necessary and in the most extreme cases of irrational behavior; i.e. extreme failure to use and have rational judgment.
There is a grave misconception among professional experts on both sides of the couch (psychology and theology) when it comes to recognizing the difference between the demonic versus Psychological Disorders; mental disturbances (aka “mental illnesses”). The misconception is that it is or can be black-and-white / all-or-nothing; that either one has a psychological disorder, or a demonic influence, but never both at the same time.
Not only those correctly labeled with psychologically disorders, but also people who are or have become extremely psychologically healthy with no history of prior symptoms who are not choosing sinful habitual types of doors to demons, can become severely obsessed and mildly possessed by a demon solely based on the sin of pride (thinking they are always right and can hear God perfectly and failing to do proper discernment). The person unknowingly chooses to speak directly with a demon who is interiorly (telepathically) speaking to them and obeys what the demon is telling them to do in some way for some reason (because it “seems” like a “good”), while at the same time the person believes that they are interacting with and obeying God or an angel. As a result the person can become extremely obsessed and/or mildly possessed, which is when what modern psychology and psychiatry label as a "psychotic features", and "hallucinations" will begin. I’m speaking from personal experience. Not only does it "look" the same, it is the same thing that occurs with those labeled with Schizophrenia or Bipolar with psychotic features.
There is a grave assumption made and taught by many types of professionals, exorcists, psychologists, and psychiatrists alike, that just because the exorcist prayers (minor or formal) do not "work" according to the human’s time frame among other expectations, on someone suffering from a Psychological Disorder; mental disturbance (aka “mental illness”), such as but not limited to Schizophrenia and Bipolar with psychotic features, that this automatically means there "must" be a complete separation of Psychological Disorders; mental disturbances, (aka "mental illnesses") from obsession in any degree and/or mild/minor/informal possession. To expect that a demon should manifest or leave the individual when and how the exorcist expects them to is at the very least presumptuous, if not arrogant...especially when the individual receiving the help of any priest or formal exorcist, has the free will to choose to either resist help and/or continue to cooperate with and obey the demon...or when the exorcist begins with the assumptive erroneous belief that no demon is present (for any number of objectively unfounded reasons), of which the demon can know from the exorcists external behaviors. When Jesus Christ's disciples failed to expel a particular demon, remember what Jesus said, "Oh unbelieving and perverse generation" and "this kind is not cast out but by prayer and fasting".
"And when he was come to the multitude, there came to him a man falling down on his knees before him, saying: Lord, have pity on my son, for he is a lunatic, and suffereth much: for he falleth often into the fire, and often into the water. And I brought him to thy disciples, and they could not cure him. Then Jesus answered and said: O unbelieving and perverse generation, how long shall I be with you? How long shall I suffer you? bring him hither to me. And Jesus rebuked him, and the devil went out of him, and the child was cured from that hour. Then came the disciples to Jesus secretly, and said: Why could not we cast him out? Jesus said to them: Because of your unbelief. For, amen I say to you, if you have faith as a grain of mustard seed, you shall say to this mountain, Remove from hence hither, and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible to you. But this kind is not cast out but by prayer and fasting." Matthew 17:14-20 Douay-Rheims Bible
Obviously Psychological Disorders; mental disturbances (aka mental illnesses) are different than formal possession. Regardless, there is lasting freedom from psychological hallucinations which are primarily caused by the demonic which is perceived through the biological senses and imagination of the individual; not primarily or solely caused by the brain. Demons are not limited to and do much more than simply "formal possession". It is irrational and absurd to assume that simply because someone is diagnosed with a formal Psychological Disorder (which are freely chosen by the way; NOT caused by the brain and genetics), or is choosing to abuse drugs, or is suffering from physiological dementia or any other biological disease of the brain, that demons will not take those opportunities to interact with the human being. No credible scientific research proves otherwise, however a plethora of unpublished personal human experience proves that demons are the cause of psychological hallucinations and that humans exhibiting psychotic behaviors are simply choosing to either obey what the demon is telling them to do and/or intellectually reacting to their experience of the hallucination.
Case in point, many years ago I was trying to help a woman named Chris who had been diagnosed with Bipolar with psychotic features and was heavily psychiatrically medicated for over a decade. This woman who was poor, had always been reinforced by her relatives (sister and brother-in-law who was a physician) to have regular "psychotic breaks" because then she would be fully taken care of both financially and emotionally by her relatives and the non-profit hospital where the broth-in-law and one of his daughters worked. The Chris' sister became aware of and tired of this, which was the only reason the Chris was referred to me for treatment. Chris had never had counseling before.
Once during a therapy session, she suddenly became frightened and agitated as she declared that the voices were speaking again. She was paying me no attention as she clenched her eyes closed and began shaking her head as if trying to disagree or ignore what she was experiencing. I chose not to engage with her, but rather began whispering under my breath a prayer of authority for the demon to leave her, which she could not hear me doing because of how far away I was sitting from her in the room. As soon as I had finished she immediately calmed, relaxed, looked at me and said, "it stopped". Then we continued with what we had been working on in our session. Right or wrong, during that session I did not tell her what I had done and we did not discuss her hallucination. Still, she was unwilling to continue working with me after that session. This is no surprise as the demon she was hearing would not have wanted her to.
However, many years later (last year in 2018), with the families permission, I, along with a priest friend of mine, went to visit Chris at the psychiatric floor of our local non-profit hospital, after she had been voluntarily and involuntarily admitted multiple times over the years both before and after I had worked with her. I visited her twice in one week during two non consecutive weeks. The experiences of which I documented on 6.12.2018. I only visited her four times in total because the staff refused to allow visitors after our final visit triggered more severe "psychotic" behaviors, which made the staffs' lives unpleasant. I had also told one of the nurses working directly with Chris, who talked as if she was a caring Christian, what I believed was happening and what the priest and I were doing to try to help Chris. The nurses' eyes became wide with fear in response. I believe this also had something to do with all visitors for Chris being barred from the hospital including my brother who is also a priest.
At the first visit Chris recognized me and the priest who she also knew. She was glad to see us, and immediately began asking me how I was doing and other realistic social questions when you haven't seen someone in a while. After I began reciprocating and mirroring the same types of normal social questions about how she was doing and feeling, she immediately began grimacing with her eyes tightly closed and rocking back and forth and refused to answer any of my socially normal questions about herself. Then suddenly she stripped off her hospital gown and calmly sat there completely naked as if she had simply taken off a coat. [This is a typical sign of demonic influence] She never showed any signs of being aware that she was naked and didn't redress herself. Her roommate calmly came over and redressed her.
The priest then told me that he wanted to pray over her so I switched seats with him so he could sit next to her. Father asked her permission to do so and she agreed. He put his hands on her head and prayed in silence. Immediately when he finished Chris said something that neither of us could hear so I asked her what she had said and she said, “I feel afraid”. I asked her if she wanted me to help her to stop feeling afraid and she said yes. So I told her to repeat after me and we prayed one sentence at a time prayers for repentance and healing of psychological emotions and feelings and seeking Truth; prayers that Jesus had taught me. Then I sat in silence looking at the table and waited. A couple of seconds later she looked at me and said, “You need to leave.” in a direct clear tone. I just stared at her in disbelief and when the priest and I didn’t move immediately she said in a more aggressive tone, “You need to leave now.” So I said okay and stood up and said we were leaving, pleasantly said goodbye, and we left. I believe the demon was telling her what to say.
At my second visit two days later, she was just as content to see me and I asked her if she remembered the priest and I coming to visit her and she said yes. I asked if she remembered telling us to leave and she said "no". I asked her if she remembered taking off her clothes in front of us and she responded with “I did that?”…in a unpleasantly surprised tone of voice. I said, yes you did and she was observably unhappy with herself; looking down and shaking her head in disappointment. She said that she did not remember doing it. I then verbally showed empathy and understanding and she felt better. She also volunteered about having an accident in her pants regarding using the bathroom. I preceded to only ask her benign questions and discuss subjects such as her likes regarding food and music (two of her favorite subjects). She responded and engaged with me as any rational human being would while visibly enjoying the conversation. Then I tested her and began simply asking her in general how she was doing in the hospital and how she was feeling. She immediately began the same grimacing with eyes tightly closed and rocking back and forth and refusing to respond to me or responded saying "I don't know". So I simply changed the subject and she became fine again. I left shortly afterward. I then went out of town on business for about a month. When I returned from my month long business trip she was still in the hospital. The priest and I went again, but this time in the evening and requested to visit with her privately in her room verses in the public day room where I had met with her the previous two times.
Since my last visit she was on what they call a “one on one order" due to destructive behaviors (which modern psychology calls "psychotic") she was exhibiting what created messes which the staff would have to clean up, such as flooding toilets by jamming entire rolls of toilet paper into the toilet bowl hole, as well as other disruptive behaviors such as running around the Psych unit and into other people’s rooms and wanting to constantly take off all her clothes and walk around naked. [It needs to be noted that after other “psychotic breaks” in times past, she had reported to her niece Maria who is an Occupational Therapist Assistant, that she would be being told to do crazy and irrational behaviors by “a voice”, which she said she would choose to obey everything she was told to do every time she was told to do it. This was reported to me by the niece.] The one-on-one order meant that we could not close her room door and a staff member sat right outside the door listening the entire time. Upon our arrival she initially acted just as she had every other time I had come to visit her, she knew who we were and seemed pleased to see us. Chris being Catholic, we began by the priest asking her if she would like to have things like Confession and Communion. She immediately responded “no”. I very gently asked her socratic and rhetorical questions about her response and whether or not she wanted help (which she said “yes” to) and I explained how receiving the Sacraments would help her and how. She responded with a pleasantly surprised “oh, okay”. [It needs to be noted that this woman has a college education and used to work as some type of nurse and knows fully the teachings of the Catholic Church regarding the Sacraments.] Then with her permission, the priest began by renewing her Baptismal vows and when he asked her if she rejected satan, she immediately said “no”. He asked her again with a surprised and questioning tone and again she said “no”. We explained to her exactly what she was saying "no” to and she responded with surprise and something to the affect of: “I can’t believe I said that” and said something to the affect of:, “oh of course I reject satan, yes”. So the priest asked her again and she said “yes” and she continued to responded appropriately to the rest of the questions.
Then the priest did a series of deliverance type prayers from what looked like an official handbook on the subject. She then laid down on her bed. Then the priest wanted to give her Confession and Communion. When he asked her if she wanted to go to Confession, again her immediate response was an immediate “no”. So I explained to her what she was rejecting and she then agreed to go to Confession. The priest helped her to do a basic generalized confession (as opposed to a "general confession") and gave her absolution. And then he gave her Jesus the Eucharist. Next, I squatted down on the floor next to her at her bed and explained how she has been cooperating with and obeying a demon who is speaking to her. She responded with surprise at this. (I don’t know if she believed me.) I went through all of her major sins that I knew about, one at a time regarding her life style that led her to be where she is now: gluttony/over eating, Laziness/Apathy/Sloth/only watching TV all day and night, and Depression/Distrust in God (Despair, Hopelessness, Self-Pity, False Victimization). For each sin she cooperatively repeated a series of prayers Jesus showed me for better: repentance and healing and replacing them with The Divine Truth/Love/Virtues and seeking Truth. She cooperated in repeating every prayer. Eventually she asked me, “Is committing suicide a sin?” I responded, “Yes it is, and if you kill yourself you will go to hell.” [which is not only Church teaching, it is the only thing that has prevented many people from choosing to kill themselves, which individuals have reported to me and I have personal experience with] Then I asked, “Have you felt suicidal / wanted to kill yourself?” And she said “yes”. So then we did the repentance and healing prayers for this. The suicidal thoughts are always a temptation from a demon either directly or through other humans suggesting it.
A few times during the process of me helping her to become self-aware and repent and pray for healing and Truth, she would want to sit up from lying down. However, each time she would sit up, she would try to get up from the bed to leave the room. She was not allowed to leave the room without permission because of the one-on-one order. The first time, I gently told her “no” and gently pushed on her right shoulder for her to sit back down and she did so without resistance. I finished by talking about how much Jesus Loves her and how to pray for being convicted of Jesus’ Love for her and we practiced the prayer together. I then taught and practiced with her how to forgive herself with a series of prayers that she repeated. Then the priest gave her another blessing and talked with her about being thankful. We said goodbye and we left.
The next evening the priest and I returned. This time we were forced to meet in the public "day room" where several other families were visiting patients. The staff woke her up to visit with us and she was not happy to see us. The priest and I began repeating what we had done the night before. She cooperated with renewing her Baptismal promises, but rejected Communion. When I began to verbalize the prayers we had done the night before, but regarding different sins, such as: not wanting to work on herself, not wanting to help herself, and not wanting to obey God, she refused to repeat after me and refused to say the prayers for repentance, healing, and to receive Truth. Any question that I asked her, she responded with an immediate “no”; so I asked a question that proved that she was not thinking about what I was saying, and was only responding with “no”, regardless of what I asked. I began to explain to her again that she is being spoken to by a demon; that the voice she hears is a demon and that she is choosing to obey and cooperate with a demon and that she needs to choose with her free will to stop and why. She didn’t respond to this in any way verbally or nonverbally. For the next hour straight, while the priest kept praying deliverance (minor exorcism) prayers over her, I kept insisting that she repeat the prayers for repentance, healing, and truth regarding her sins until she was willing to repeat them after me. Meanwhile, before she was willing to repeat after me, she would do many behaviors over and over again to either make noise and speak in what I heard as gibberish in order to drown me out or to try to passive-aggressively move away from me. There was one word she would aggressively and clearly yell at me frequently while quickly lunging toward my face after I would speak. The word was "Nana(h)". I researched this word and it is slang for "fool" in British English.
Eventually when I would insist that she repeat after me the prayer: "Lord Jesus Christ I’m sorry for ___..."…related to any one of her sins, she suddenly said, “I can’t!” in a whiny desperate tone. I immediately asked in a demanding tone, “Why can’t you?!” and she said, “Because he says so.”. As reported to me by another one of her nieces who works in the emergency room of the same hospital, the very next day after our visit her exhibited "psychotic" behaviors became worse and in response, the staff put her on what is called a "chemical restraint" in order to drug her to sleep all day and night so they wouldn’t have to deal with her. This niece also reported to me that her "psychotic" behaviors included: repeatedly throwing her food tray on the floor, taking her feces and urine and smearing them around the bathroom, and attempting to flood the shower room. As a result, the staff stopped all visits to her and the priest and I were not allowed to return.
There is no freedom from psychological hallucinations when the person does not want to believe they are irrational and dysfunctional, when they don’t want to believe there is a demon interacting them, when they don’t want to do any work toward repentance, healing, and sanctity to correct their sins and other abstract irrational "interior intellectual acts" (attractions, likes, dislikes, wants/desires, expectations, beliefs, thoughts, and the emotions and feelings these cause), when they don’t want to correctly protect themselves from demons, when the person doesn't want to change and will only interact with people in the person's life who are enabling and supporting them to be dysfunctional, or when a Christian in the state of grace refuses to believe that we can have power over a demon obsessing or oppressing us in and through the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. In addition, not only with the "lunatic" in Matthew 17:14-20, but also with the man oppressed and possessed by the "unclean" "deaf and dumb spirit" in Mark 9:16-28 Jesus Christ said that these types of demonic influence cannot be exorcized out by a priest, but rather can only be removed through “prayer and fasting”. Therefore it greatly stands to reason that some Psychological Disorders; mental disturbances (aka "mental illnesses) such as but not limited to Schizophrenia and Bipolar with psychotic features can fall into this category as well:
“And when Jesus saw the multitude running together, he threatened the unclean spirit, saying to him: Deaf and dumb spirit, I command thee, go out of him; and enter not any more into him. And crying out, and greatly tearing him, he went out of him, and he became as dead, so that many said: He is dead. But Jesus taking him by the hand, lifted him up; and he arose. And when he was come into the house, his disciples secretly asked him: Why could not we cast him out? And he said to them: This kind can go out by nothing, but by prayer and fasting.” Mark 9:24-28 Douay-Rheims Bible
Regarding Schizophrenia and Bipolar with psychotic features, it stands to reason that the demon will not manifest nor leave the person alone unless the person suffering does "fasting and prayer" in the way that God desires, and that "fasting and prayer" becomes a part of their life style, not simply an event. Because the person suffering from a Psychological Disorder; mental disturbance of any type and degree through their sinfulness, he or she is at least partly (other part would be through childhood wounds) if not completely at fault that the demon is obsessing them to mildly possessing them in the first place. The majority of professionals are failing to take the “free will” of both the human being and the demon into account. Just because an exorcist or any priest cannot succeed in making a demon "manifest" according to their expectations, or cannot succeed in removing a demon from a person suffering from Schizophrenia or Bipolar with psychotic features, that does not mean there is no demon involved. But rather means that the person themselves does not want to cooperate with letting go of the demon; the person does not want to stop obeying the demon regardless of whether or not this is consciously or ignorantly being done.
In addition, the objectively severe, extreme irrational level of psychological; i.e. abstract intellectual functioning that the person with Schizophrenia or Bipolar with psychotic features has been freely choosing for decades, has to be corrected, and if the individual is not even willing to recognize that they are irrational; i.e. wrong in their thinking and perceiving, as is typical of all prideful and selfish human beings, the exorcist or priest is not going to be able to succeed.
Another missing link for many professionals is that demonic involvement is in degrees. More specifically, missing for many professionals is the Truth that possession, obsession (oppression), and temptation are in degrees and that some particular psychological disorders such as Bipolar with psychotic features and Schizophrenia exist because they have a degree of at least severe obsession to mild possession involved with them. I do not fault the Christian professional "mental health experts" for not knowing or understanding this, because as much as I have for the last 20 years searched for Truth daily from Jesus Christ and worked daily with Him to remove any false beliefs I have about everything, I also was unable to recognize and accept these truths about demonic involvement related to the psychotic behaviors and hallucinations of Psychological Disorders; mental disturbances (aka "mental illnesses") until God allowed me to experience Schizophrenia for two weeks and thereby showing me firsthand what causes the symptoms of psychological hallucinations and how the individual is to some degree choosing to obey and/or has memory black-outs while obeying demons regarding the other psychotic behaviors.
What is a demons primary goal? Especially with anyone who teaches and leads others, the demon's goal is for us to believe that they do not exist or if we believe they exist, that we don't believe, know, and understand what they do and how they do it. How many demons would love for us to believe that they have nothing to do with those who are suffering from Schizophrenia, or Bipolar, or any other diagnostically labeled Psychological Disorder; mental disturbance (aka "mental illness")? If we believe lies, then we harm ourselves and are unable to help others. It would greatly benefit demons for us to continue to believe that hallucinations are not caused by demons, especially in those who are labeled with Schizophrenia and Bipolar.
Possession is not always a constant thing...people who are possessed, be it mildly or formally, can go in and out of it. In my personal experience while mildly possessed, I only remember knowing a demon was affecting me and how it was affecting me as I was lecturing one of my priests, Fr. Jim, on how to help me...what I call the Holy Spirit jumping out of my mouth...for I was still and had consistently been in the state of grace and was sufficiently educated on the subject of demons...but the hospital documentation notes say that I reported being possessed directly to the psychiatrist, prior to the priest visiting me, but I don't remember saying it to anyone working for the hospital.
Over a decade before I began possessed for two weeks, I remember driving home from my college classes, (where I was majoring in a BA in Psychology at an extremely liberal secular university called by its own as UNCGay) one day in my late twenties and suddenly without warning I experienced for the first time what is called a “panic attack”, which is caused by anxiety and which I now know can also be directly caused by a demon who is oppressing or possessing a person in any degree. I wasn’t having any momentary anxiety or stressful thoughts and beliefs that I was thinking about at the time the brief panic attack occurred, but the reality was that I wasn’t self-aware of how I was living an immoral life style in the state of mortal sin, nor of how much of an anxious person I was, including all of the many irrational interior intellectual acts of: attractions, likes, dislikes, wants/desires, expectations, beliefs, and thoughts, etc. that cause anxiety, which were part of my being of my soul: intellect (mind) and free will.
Years later in hind sight I understood that it was good that I had had the experience of the panic attack so that I could better understand and help my future patients, because I now knew what it was like to experience a panic attack. I also remember wondering, well then how would I be able to experience Schizophrenia since as I was taught, it’s genetically caused and permanent, and the hallucinations are biologically caused, or so I foolishly believed at the time. The following is my firsthand experience of the psychotic behaviors and psychological hallucinations that a person suffering from Schizophrenia experiences as a result of the severe demonic obsession to mild demonic possession that is associated with the diagnostic label. If you ask whether I had Schizophrenia or mild demonic possession for two weeks, the answer is that I had both, for now I know that the psychotic behaviors and psychological hallucinations of Schizophrenia and mild demonic possession are one in the same.
True Story: The Mild Possession of Schizophrenia
It was Tuesday July 20th, 2010 and just like any other wonderful day Jesus gifts to me I had just sat down to eat my breakfast on my beautiful back deck in order to enjoying the “paradise” where I live. The three “bug” candles on the table were lit as usual. The candles were positioned next to each other in a row down the center of the table in front of where I was eating. My back yard below the deck is a steep hill overlooking a medium size creek at the bottom. It was a cool morning and there was no breeze. As I begin to eat, the flame of the candle farthest to the left began dancing wildly and it started to give off a lot of smoke. The smoke designs looked exactly like a twirling ribbon that is attached to the end of a stick that you whip around in a circular motion in the air. The other two candle flames were perfectly still, with no smoke at all. I believed that Jesus was giving me a special show just for me. This smoke and flame show went on for about 10 minutes as I sat there eating my breakfast.
I am a licensed professional counselor and have been working with Jesus Christ in hours of daily Eucharistic Adoration, the daily Holy Sacrifice of the Mass, and weekly confession for the last 8 years to seek and learn how to recognize all sin, especially my own, and the Truths of the real causes of all psychological disorders, harmful emotions, addictions, all forms of homosexuality, and how we can become completely permanently healed of them all.
The last piece of information I was seeking from Jesus and still as yet had not received, was the cause of psychotic features, including hallucinations of those suffering with the labels of Bipolar with Psychotic Features, and Schizophrenia. I was absolutely certain they could not be genetic or the brain chemistry, as Jesus had already given me the information to prove that all psychological disorders, harmful emotions, addictions, and all forms of homosexuality we cause ourselves through our intellectual and free will choices, which is our Soul. The only thing that eluded me was how the psychotic features developed and why, especially the hallucinations, and how to prove that they were not biological.
After breakfast, I went upstairs to continue working on my writing about Discernment of Spirits. The demonic spiritual world does not want anyone to know its secrets of how it tries to influence us. At the time, I was unaware of the ramifications of direct intellectual contact with demons and how serious this is. Unbeknownst to me, a demon had been directly speaking to me for months, and I had done nothing to protect myself from this, and even worse I had been unknowingly responding to it and obeying it.
I so very much wanted to completely depend on Jesus and completely obey Jesus, so I could be completely loving toward others, that I wanted to hear Jesus speak to me about everything in every moment so that I would always know and could obey His Will. In other words, I wanted to be perfect as my heavenly father is perfect. However, after I had been actively working daily on my sanctification for the last eleven years through how I believe Jesus had shown me to do so; what I call the "10 Steps to Lasting Healing", I wanted to become perfect immediately without me having to continue working throughout my entire life. In hindsight I came to the realization that I wrongly wanted to be perfect according to my definition of perfection and for primarily self-serving intentions. But before that, I decided that I was going to practice what I had heard called “instantaneous obedience” or “blind obedience”. I understood “blind obedience” to mean that I needed to obey everything I thought I heard Jesus say to me without question. I learned the hard way, that Jesus NEVER wants us to do this with Him much less anyone else, because to blindly obey “without question” means to fail to do proper discernment of what is right from wrong, what is a truth from a lie, and who is speaking to us: a demon, ourselves, or God.
I wanted to be perfectly completely holy as soon as possible, and completely control being able to do so, which I found out the hard way is NOT realistic. I so badly wanted to hear Jesus speak to me all the time in every moment, that I chose to believe the lie that Jesus wanted to speak to me every moment, and projected this belief onto Jesus even after years of practicing proper discernment of spirits knowing that Jesus doesn't always speak to us just because we want Him to. Therefore, I choose to believe the lie that I was always able to hear Jesus, and hear Him perfectly, and that Jesus would speak to me any time I wanted Him to. Because I pridefully believed these lies, I choose to believe the lie that my every thought, and the demon speaking to me interiorly, was Jesus speaking. Just as our guardian angel, Jesus and the Holy Spirit can communicate with us spiritually to our Soul: intellect (mind) and free will, demons who are angels turned evil "speak" no differently. (Why we hear many with Schizophrenia and Mass Shooters say that God told them to do something or a voice told them to.)
To make matter worse, another thing I began to do as a result of believing the lie that Jesus was always speaking to me, was that I refused to speak, or do anything, or make any decisions, unless I heard Jesus tell me what to do, when to do it, and how to do it; all because of the perfectionism from hell of not wanting to make a mistake. I learned the hard way that Jesus does not work this way either. I did this believing that I should not try to think for myself at all, because I pridefully believed the lie that, if I “thought” or “made my own decisions”, that meant that I wasn’t listening to Jesus and was being controlling. I refused to "critically think" at all and I refused to discern which “spirit” was speaking: me, a demon, or Jesus. This is NOT how we stop being controlling, or how we stop ignoring Jesus’ Will, or how we stop being prideful. I had no idea how dangerous what I was doing is. Failing to use our intellect, critically think in discernment with Jesus, and take ownership of all our decisions, is just the same and just as dangerous as only using our intellect while ignoring and rejecting Jesus Christ…in both extremes, we are only obeying demons.
What I did not realize at the time, but learned the hard way, is that Jesus never wants us to stop using our intellects or stop analyzing and evaluating facts in order to form a judgment i.e. critically think in discernment with Him. Jesus wants us to be in balance with both, always trying to focus on His presence with us, asking His opinions, listening and waiting for his answers, AND using our intellect, critically think, take ownership of our decisions, not be afraid to make a mistake, while asking for Jesus’ help in order to properly Discern. Because I stopped using my intellect; i.e. stopped thinking, I automatically stopped doing discernment with Jesus. I had unfortunately and unknowingly opened myself up to all kinds of demonic influences and attacks. I failed to understand the seriousness of what was happening to me until it had gone too far.
FLASH BACK: It had all started weeks before with the demon telling me to do things that can be holy and sacrificial. As I obeyed these suggestions, the type of commands changed from good and truth to neutral to evil and lies. An example of holy and sacrificial acts that the demon told me to do was to stay all night in the adoration chapel and sleep there with Jesus. I was also told to fast from food and water for 24 hours at a time. And then other things that began to be a little odd, like telling me to sleep in my car outside of my house in order to become accustomed to poverty. All of these things I obeyed out of the belief that Jesus was telling me to do them as a sacrifice, because objectively they are and do not harm me or others necessarily.
But then the requests became weird and non-sacrificial, like telling me to do 3 point road turns for no reason and wait at stop signs for long periods of time as long as there were no cars behind me. I still obeyed these things because again they were not harming me or anyone else. This is how carefully sneaky the demons are, they make sure to not give themselves away by starting out telling you to do things that are neutral and not evil, but they can’t do that for long because demons are evil. For then the commands became violent, like when I was told to drive my car right out into the middle of oncoming moving traffic and cause an accident. By the grace of God I did NOT obey, because I still was not possessed yet so the demons were not making me blackout while controlling my body and I could still be logical and reasonable at this point. Neither was I in the state of mortal sin; I was in a state of grace, which meant that God and my guardian angel were still able to help me discern not to harm myself or others.
The demon had also started making what humans call hallucinations, but I was not aware of the fact that they were hallucinations because they were things that seemed real, like the candle flame incident. For example, as was normal for me, I went to St. Joseph’s Catholic Church (Newton, NC) one day in order to spend time in Adoration there. Oddly, rather than going into the main part of the church, I went into what is called the “cry room” for babies used during the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass and I knelt down and began praying. When I looked around me, there were literally about a dozen flies just sitting on the tops of the chairs and ledge of the window which looks into the main church area. I remember thinking how strange it was to even see flies at all in this room and in fact so many, since there was no access to the outside of the building from this room and the door to the room was closed when I arrived. And what was even more strange was that none of the flies moved at all the entire time I was there praying. [People labeled with Schizophrenia have reported spontaneously and randomly seeing flies and other bugs, spiders, and even snakes. All the types of creatures that you would expect from a demon.] Because I was trying not to think for myself, I didn’t think to discuss these experiences with anyone.
BACK TO THE PRESENT: Later on that day while I was cleaning my house, I saw that the bleach tablets that I used inside my toilet tanks had badly corroded the rubber stoppers inside the tanks, making the water leak out. I removed the bleach tablets and planned on writing to the two different companies of whose products I used in order to report this problem. As I was preparing to gather information in order to write the letter, I was then told (thinking it was Jesus) that all the bleach products I used to clean my bathrooms were dangerous. Because of the fact that bleach is hazardous and a poison, it didn’t surprise me that I was hearing that it was dangerous. [Remember demons use some truth in order to remain inconspicuous and fool us.] What I was told next as to why bleach was dangerous should have made me question who was now speaking to me, because it was so illogical, but what I failed to realize at this point (and didn’t realize until I was freed from the mild possession a week later), was that my ability to use my Soul: intellect’s ability to be logical and rational was becoming more debilitated due to the demonic interaction. What I was told next was that the bleach was dangerous because the fumes mixed with the electricity when the lights were on, can cause an explosion. And the only reason there had not yet been an explosion was because I was being supernaturally protected. I was immediately told that I needed to turn off all the lights in the house, and open all the doors and windows in order to ventilate the house so that there would not be an explosion. A fear that the demon new about me, because I have talked about this fear with friends in the past, was that I was afraid of being burned alive in a fire.
I began pulling all of the products with bleach in them out of the cabinets throughout the house in order to write down the product information and throw them all away. While I was kneeling on the floor searching under the kitchen sink for bleach products, I felt a spiritual presence behind me and I was told to close my eyes and not to turn around. Suddenly a wave of terrifying and horrifying fear came over me, so much so that I started shaking. It didn’t feel like it was coming from my emotions. I’d never felt anything like it before nor have I since. I hid my face into the cabinets while crouching as tightly as I could into the corner of the kitchen. I could hear kitchen drawers opening and closing near me. I turned my head around, but saw nothing. I was then told to go up stairs into the bathroom.
As I walked into the bathroom and saw my picture of Jesus’ smiling face on the mirror, I was told that the house was going to explode at any moment from the bleach fumes mixing with the electricity and that I was not going to be protected any longer from this occurring. I was told that I was not allowed to leave the house and that in order to save myself from going to hell, because I was in the state of mortal sin (I was told), I was going to need to allow myself to die in the house explosion. Another wave of fear came over me. My legs started furiously shaking and buckled underneath me. I caught myself on the bathroom counter and held myself up, keeping myself from falling onto the floor. I became emotionally terrified and began repeatedly pleading out loud, in desperation while looking at the picture of Jesus, “This is not Loving!”, “This is not Loving!” My fear immediately subsided. I was then told that to make it as painless as possible I needed to be lying down inside the shower when the explosion occurred. I was reminded that if I did not do this I would be choosing to go to hell.
I opened up the shower curtain and climbed into the tub and laid down. The wave of fear came over me again and I became terrified of the thought of being burned alive. I was told that in order to make the experience of being burned alive less painful, I should hold my breath until the explosion occurred, so that I would pass out at the same time I was being burned alive. (FYI: Every time we obey a demon directly we give it more power over us.) Still believing that everything I was being told was coming from Jesus, I let out all my air and held my breath. There was still no explosion yet. My lungs started to hurt. I was so afraid of the pain of being burned alive that I was going to hold my breath if it killed me. Then I thought, “Wait a minute. If I keep holding my breath and die from not breathing then I will have committed suicide and that IS a mortal sin. I will go to hell for that.” I immediately started breathing again and realized there was not going to be any explosion. By the grace of God I had started using my intellect again rather than just believing everything I was hearing. Unfortunately, I was so relieved that I was not going to die and especially that I was not going to die in a fiery explosion that I didn’t think to reality check anything else, like who had been speaking to me. By my direct interactions with and obedience to the demon, I was also unknowingly becoming possessed by the demon, so my extent of being able to use my intellect of my immaterial Soul, due to the demons influence on my brain was becoming more and more limited. [Just like those suffering from Schizophrenia and Bipolar with hallucinations.] [Because as Aquinas states, the lesser can hinder and affect that greater.]
I was now feeling terrified of getting into the shower to the point that even though I wanted to take a shower before going to bed I was unwilling to do so. I got ready for bed by putting on a pair of sweat pants and a tank top. I climbed into bed and was immediately told that I am going to die peacefully in my sleep, but because I am in the state of mortal sin, I am going to hell (again, I was not in the state of mortal sin). Choosing to believe these lies made me begin to feel severe anxiety. It was very late at night. I was told that I can only call either my best friend Rindala or my spiritual director Fr. Jean Pierre for help. I was told that if I spoke with anyone else they would think I was insane. This was definitely from Jesus because Rindala, who is on a 3 hour time difference, is also well versed in spiritual warfare, and Fr. Jean Pierre is my spiritual director, who knew I had been writing about Discernment of Spirits and studying demonology and trying to practice constant perfect contemplative prayer with Jesus. Fr. Jean Pierre had expressed concern and said that I could call him at any time of night for help.
First I called Rindala. She answered her phone, which is unusual in itself. She asked me if anything was wrong. I was told exactly what I was allowed to say to her and that I was not allowed to say anything else. [This is a sign of demonic possession, but those labeled with Schizophrenia and Bipolar with psychotic features usually fail to report it.] So, I told Rindala that I was trying really hard to obey Jesus and Mary and that I was suffering really badly. Unbeknownst to me at the time, but in retrospect, this was when I started coming in and out of consciousness as if I was coming in and out of a “blacked-out” state of functioning while being completely sober. [This is another sign of demonic possession that goes unreported by those suffering from Schizophrenia and Bipolar with psychotic features.] As a result, I only remember parts of our conversation. But I do remember hearing Rindala say that she couldn’t talk with me because she was on a date with her husband. She started to pray out loud for me and she began crying, something she never does on the phone while we pray together. Rindala then asked me what I was doing. I said I was praying for her healing because she was crying. Rindala told me later after she got off the phone with me that her husband told her that she needed to get on a plane and fly out to me immediately. She could have kicked herself for not listening to him after she heard what had happened to me after we hung up the phone.
The wave of fear came over me again and I started to go into a physical panic from the feeling of fear. This is when your body starts to shake and your heart pounds very fast. Different people have different variations of the physical signs of fear. My experience is what psychology calls a “panic attack”. All a panic attack is, is your body physically reacting to your high level of spiritual; emotional feeling of fear (also called anxiety). I was now trying to call my spiritual director Fr. Jean Pierre but my hands were shaking so badly that I couldn’t find his phone number in my cell phone. I felt even more upset and afraid about this. Everything seemed like it was taking forever. I thought about calling 911 because I was unable to find Fr. Jean Pierre’s name and number in my phone. I was immediately told that if I spoke with anyone other than Fr. Jean Pierre or Rindala, they would think I was insane. Unfortunately, because of the state I was in, I didn’t believe at the time how true this was. (Since demons cannot read our thoughts, the immediate response to my thought had to have been from Jesus through my guardian angel trying to protect me.)
Finally I was able to dial Fr. Jean Pierre’s number, but he did not answer so I left him a voice mail message. Fr. Jean Pierre never called me back. At this point I was feeling so terrified and shaking so badly that I felt like I couldn’t wait any longer for him to call me. So I did the worst thing I could have done to myself and I called 911. It would have been better if I had gone back to bed and sought no help at all. When the operator came on the line I told her that I was having a heart attack and that I needed an ambulance to come to my house. The person asked me what my address was. I could not remember my address and I told her this. She just kept repeating herself that she needed me to tell her my address. I knew that I needed Fr. Jean Pierre’s help and since I could not remember my own address due to the state of fear and inability to think that I was in, I told the operator to have the ambulance meet me at my parish’s church rectory where the priests lived. The operator said she had never heard of St. Aloysius Catholic Church and asked me what the address was. I was losing my patience with her at this point, because I could not help myself, much less help her to help me. I told the woman that I did not know the address and that she was just going to have to look it up herself in the phone book, hung up the phone, and I drove over to St. Aloysius. [being in a state of panic and mild demonic possession, I left my front door wide open.]
At The Priest Rectory
When I pulled into the rectory drive way, leaving my car running in park, I jumped out of the car, ran to the door, and started banging loudly on the door while calling out Fr. Jean Pierre’s name. In less than a minute both priests, the head pastor and Fr. Jean Pierre opened the door together. They were both wide eyed in surprise at seeing me standing there. I walked through the door frame, right up to Fr. Jean Pierre and told him that I needed his help and that I would only speak with him and no one else. I was being coached on what I was allowed to say and what I was not allowed to say and who I was and was not allowed to speak to, which I kept obeying without question. I was told to say that I was in the state of mortal sin and that I needed a Mass said for me so that I could receive the Eucharist. [Demons want access to Jesus The Eucharist so that they can desecrate Him.] What any educated Catholic knows is that Catholic’s have to confess their mortal sin first to a priest in the Sacrament of Confession before we can receive Jesus the Eucharist. Both priests knew that I knew this Church teaching.
Suddenly a police officer pulled up behind my car and the head pastor walked past me into the drive way toward the police officer. I closed the front door and locked it behind me to keep the two men away from me, because I was not allowed to speak with them. I told Fr. Jean Pierre that I needed him to be assertive and be in charge over the head pastor [it didn’t happen]. Fr. Jean Pierre asked me how he could help me and what I needed. As I was being told to say, I therefore repeated that I needed him to say a Mass for me immediately because I was in the state of mortal sin. I told Fr. Jean Pierre that I was being told what I could and could not say to him; that I had to obey what Jesus was telling me to do; that I could not tell him how to help him help me; and that he needed to pray and ask Jesus what to do to help me. Fr. Jean Pierre sat down for a few minutes and did so. Fr. Jean Pierre said that in order to celebrate Mass we needed to go to the church in order to have the necessary articles that are needed to say a Mass. I disagreed and showed him we could use Jesus present in the monstrance in the Adoration Chapel that was in the middle of their home. This was something else both he and I knew was false, because you never use an already Consecrated Host that is already Jesus for the host during a Holy Sacrifice of the Mass, because you never consecrate a host more than once, because it is already Jesus Christ.
At some point, I saw the head pastor very quickly walk past us in the Adoration Chapel with a great look of fear on his face as he looked at me. He went straight into his bedroom, shut and locked the door behind him and closed all the blinds. I was relieved and hoped that he would just stay in his bedroom. What was unknown to me at the time, was that he was calling my father.
I was blacking in and out again. I remember Fr. Jean Pierre pouring an entire bottle of Holy Water over my head and I felt suddenly calm. [But I remember my hair never becoming wet. This was the demon giving memory images, which never happened while I was blacked-out.] Fr. Jean Pierre put on his stole and started to say the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass. I felt relieved and knelt down on the floor and began speaking the laity's responses of the Mass. Fr. Jean Pierre told me that he could not continue with celebrating the Mass because I kept interrupting him. I repeated to him that I was being told to say things, that I had to obey Jesus, and that he just needed to trust me and continue saying the Mass. I started to feel like I was losing myself; losing my self-consciousness permanently. I was told to repeatedly say “Jesus save me.” every time the feeling of losing consciousness would happen and to not stop no matter what. (In hindsight I now believe that was my guardian angel telling me how to protect myself from becoming completely continuously formally possessed by the demon.) During this time I blacked-out again and the parts that I remember feel like a dream. I remember lunging at the monstrance while making an attempt to open it and take out Jesus in order to eat Him. I remember being able to grab the monstrance that held Jesus the Eucharist and smashing the glass casing onto the floor, grabbing Him amidst broken glass and eating Him. While doing so I cut the left corner of my mouth. When I saw Fr. Jean Pierre two days later in the hospital, I apologized to him for what I had done and breaking the monstrance and said I would pay to replace it. Fr. Jean Pierre look confused and said that I didn’t break anything and that nothing like that had happened. This was a fantasy that the demon interjected into my memory, while I was at Fr. Jean Pierre’s house. Which was proven by the fact that I also never had any type of cut on my mouth. But what is weird, is when I saw the head pastor afterward for the first time, he accused me of damaging their monstrance.
While still at the priests’ rectory, I also remember being told to grab the prayer book out of Fr. Jean Pierre’s hands, throw it across the room, and yell in an angry tone of voice, “I need a Mass!”, “I need a Mass!”, which I unfortunately began obeying while blacking in and out. Next thing I know, I was kneeling in a squatted position on the floor of the adoration chapel holding my face in my hands and silently praying “Jesus save me.” over and over and over when all of a sudden my father walked into the Adoration Chapel and put his arm around me, while saying nothing to me. I was told that I was not allowed to speak with anyone but Fr. Jean Pierre, and both of my parents were the last two people on the planet I would have gone to for help as our relationship was superficial and they knew nothing about psychology or the demonic. Without even looking up I pushed my father’s arm off of me. This was the only interaction I had with him as I watched him walk immediately out of the house. Unbeknownst to me at the time, my father had left to request an involuntary commitment from the Newton County Court Magistrate at the suggestion of the police officer and the head pastor. My father never spoke to me and I never spoke to him. He never saw or heard me do anything other than kneeling on the floor holding my face in my hands while Fr. Jean Pierre stood praying next to me. My father knew nothing about what was happening to me and what I was going through and he never asked me any questions. He later admitted to one of my sisters that he was afraid at the time and admitted to me that he didn't have enough information to know what was happening. North Carolina law states that an involuntary commitment can only be granted if someone is a danger to themselves or to others. This means someone had to have lied to my father and my father had to have repeated this to the Magistrate. [I later obtained a full copy of the Magistrate's report and all the incriminating information about me was false, either blatantly or exaggerated.]
Completely forgetting about wanting a Mass said for me, the next thing I remember was walking into the living room with Fr. Jean Pierre, the police officer, and the head pastor. I started to walk around the room telling Fr. Jean Pierre inquisitively, “I am being told to act violent, but I do not know how to act violent.” Unfortunately, I said this in front of the police officer. I then immediately sat down at the foot of an arm chair and laid my head on my arms. Next I went over and sat next to Fr. Jean Pierre while the police officer and the head pastor were staring at me in fear and disbelief, with looks like deer in head lights. I whispered to Fr. Jean Pierre to not let them take me away from him and for him to please help me. He never did what I asked. A few minutes later I was being told that I was being taken (against my will) to Glenn R. Fry Hospital’s emergency room by the police officer. Since I was dressed in a tank top and sweat pants, I asked Fr. Jean Pierre for a jacket to cover myself for modesty in public and the fact that it is cold in the emergency rooms. As I was obediently and calmly walking out to the police car, the police officer said that he was going to have to put me in handcuffs. I was immediately told to punch him in the face. Thanks be to God I knew NOT to obey that and didn’t! After he put me in handcuffs I was told to drop as “dead weight”, which I did, which made it difficult for the officer to put me into the police car.
I was later told by the sheriff of the police department (whom I interviewed weeks after the incident) that, it is standard procedure to put everyone who is “involuntary” in handcuffs only to pacify the fearful emergency room staff who become afraid when they hear someone is coming in who is involuntary. The medical ER staff is ignorant of psychological disorders and wrongly assumes and generalizes that they are going to be attacked by everyone. They would rather be safe than sorry. Therefore, since the person who is being involuntarily committed against his or her will has no rights, is deemed less important, and deemed unworthy of being treated with the same respect as the ER staff, the police officers handcuff everyone no matter what the situation or why they are involuntary, just to pacify the fear and ignorance of the emergency room staff.
At the First Emergency Room
When we arrived at the emergency room, both my parents and my sister Anna were in the waiting room. I was told that I was now allowed to tell Anna everything that had been going on. Thinking that Anna would believe and understand I was relieved that maybe she could help me, but unfortunately I was not given a chance to speak with her, because they took me back immediately. On my way into the ER I asked the police officer if he believed in demons and spiritual warfare. He said he did not. There I was, being held against my will by people of secular society, most of whom don’t believe God exists much less the existence of demons, or if they do believe in God’s existence, they could care less about Jesus Christ and doing His Will. I know this from working in that particular emergency room doing psych involuntary commitment inpatient placement [oh the irony!]. You should have heard all the sex jokes demeaning women that the male doctors and male and female nursing staff would tell, plus the swearing and belittling and criticizing of the patients that most of the staff would do around me when I worked there. Any time they would try to engage me in these conversations I would kindly say no and explain how it was wrong. They didn’t like to speak with me after that.
They did every exam on me they could think of in order to try and find out if anything biological was wrong with me including giving me an MRI (at the request of my father), for which I blacked-out during that process. [Turns out the MRI results of my brain were perfectly normal of course.] They wanted a urine test to see if I was on any drugs or alcohol and I was refusing to cooperate with using the bathroom so they inserted a catheter in order to get a urine sample. I was completely against this because I believed that it was going to expose me to everyone in the room, which it did: at least three staff, one of which was male and the male police officer. It took all four of them to hold me down in order to insert the catheter.
I was exhausted, and with my father in the room, the lights on, and the noise going on in the ER it was extremely difficult to fall asleep. Regardless they expect you to fall asleep as normal and if you don’t, then there must be something wrong with you. So they give you drugs to fall asleep, whether you want them or not. So they forced a sleep medication on me without my permission and against my will. When I asked what they were trying to give me and telling them I did not want, nor need any of their psychotropic medications, I was told by the head male nurse that they were not asking my permission and that they could do whatever they wanted to me because I was under involuntary commitment and I had no say in the matter. I was also told that it was the doctor’s orders, who had already spoken with me. I told them that was a lie and that no doctor came to speak with me about anything. The nurse then changed his story and said that the doctor spoke with my father and he and my father decided what to do. And as I found out later from reading the hospital reports, my father had given the admitting physician and hospital staff a series of directly false and deceptive information, as well as directly telling them to diagnose me with Bipolar. (This is common as the standard default misdiagnosis when the physician or psychiatrist doesn’t know what it is or what to do.)
After I awoke from the drug induced sleep, the police officer had changed shifts and it was now a woman who was guarding me. She, just like the other officer was very kind and I asked her if I could have some reading material. I then began writing psychology words in the shape of cross word puzzles all over a news paper that she had given me and I believed that I was writing some very important secret codes and information. [A similar belief to John Nash, the famous mathematician during his bought with what was labeled as Schizophrenia, which ended as soon as Nash started both obeying God and stopped cooperating with the demon, for Nash was originally an atheist.]
At the Psych Lock Down Unit
I was transferred from Glenn R. Fry’s ER to Catawba Valley Medical Center, because Frye Hospital’s Psych floor locked down unit was full. For the first few days at the 7th Floor of CVMC I remember not being able to function at all, I didn’t want to eat, I couldn’t think, I never even thought about taking a shower, or grooming myself, or looking in a mirror. [All symptoms of Schizophrenia] I was blacking in and out all the time and doing all kinds of weird stuff in front of the staff, some of which I remember. Unfortunately no one else other than the individual themselves can tell when the person is blacking-out because this has to do with the person’s memory only. Part of the reason for my weird behavior was because the demon who was "mildly" possessing me was making me see every staff member as if they were a demon. When I would look at the staffs’ faces I literally saw them as horribly frightening looking demons. The fascinating thing about this was that this would only happen at night and while I was blacking in and out. And what was even stranger was that I was not afraid of them and it seemed normal to me and I even expected it.
One time after blacking-out, when I “came to”, I was laying on the floor in the shape of a cross and believing that demons were trying to make me move and as long as I was in the shape of the cross they couldn’t harm me (it was actually the hospital staff trying to make me move because I was spread out on the floor right in front of their staff cubical). Another time I “came to” from a blackout, I was in my room and as usual the staff had to come in every so often and make sure I wasn’t harming myself. They would even do this in the middle of the night and turn on the light. This one time in the middle of the night, I was awake and because I believed that the staff would become demons at night, I was irrationally believing that they needed to be saved from hell. (Demonology and Theology states that this is impossible, which I knew.) So when the woman staffer came to the door looking exactly like a demon (as usual), I walked up to her and began to hug her while believing that doing so would convert her from being a demon. This she tolerated well. I believed it had worked because when I stopped hugging her she didn’t look to me like a demon anymore.
One time the demon told me to turn on the shower, and lay down on the shower floor and drown myself. Like a zombie I obeyed. I was fully clothed, and for the first time I learned the hard way that jeans get really heavy when they become wet. As I lay on the shower floor face up with the water pouring onto my face, I had a moment of clarity. By the grace of God I realized what I was doing and that it was irrational. I got up, completely drenched and dripping, I walked to the staff cubical and asked if they could please give me a towel so that I could dry myself off and I added that I realized that getting into the shower with my clothes on was ridiculous. In addition, I was wearing a “scapula”, which I always wore even in the shower, when all of a sudden, I forcefully and quickly pulled it strait off my neck and threw it in the trash, thereby making a deep thin rope cut into the back of my neck, which I didn’t even feel occur. Thank goodness for me that I had long hair which I kept down so that none of the staff would see what I had done.
I was sitting on the hospital bed one night and I remember being told by the demon that it was finally time to leave and for me to gather all of my things. I picked up my news paper that I had been writing on (remember the one from the other hospital's ER with the "secret codes") and my pen and other little papers and stuffed them all into my shirt pocket. I then casually walked out of my hospital room, past the staff cubical and right up to the giant electronically locked unit door. I casually pushed the door open as if it was made of cardboard and walk straight out. As I almost reached the elevator, the staff realized what had happened and came after me walking calmly but quickly. I stopped and turned around to look at the three of them. I began staring into their eyes while believing that I could control their thoughts by doing so. Then all of a sudden the night security guard from the CVMC ER, (who had worked 3rd shift with me when I had worked as psych emergency placement in the CVMC ER in the past), was walking toward me (the staff had called security in order to stop me from leaving the building). I recognized him immediately and realized that I would not be able to leave, so I acted really pleased to see him and agreed with him to go back to the unit. And just for fun, I had him carry me back to the unit. The question remains, how was it possible for me to simply push open the giant electronically locked unit door that was closed? Ironically, there was no documentation anywhere in the hospital reports of this incident, but this memory of mine was nothing like the memories that the demons had given me which felt like a dream, and I did not black-out during this incident. Unfortunately, I waited until eight years later to speak with the ER security guard about the incident, and he doesn't even remember ever working with me in the ER, much less the incident.
During this whole ordeal I went through three psychiatrists. The first one was a personal colleague of mine who I greatly respected named Charles Davis who is a Christian. I had made many referrals to his office over the years as a practicing LPC (Licensed Professional Counselor). He woke me up from a deep sleep and all I remember was the mortified look on his face when I opened my eyes and looked up at him. I don’t remember what he said to me if anything, and he left quickly. I was told that he was going out of town on vacation and that he was transferring me to one of his other colleagues.
The colleague whom Davis transferred me to, was one of the members of a Scottish bagpipe band which I had joined for a short period of time while I was learning how to play the Scottish drums. I was actually pleased to see him and treated him just like I had at band practice. He however, spoke to me condescendingly like I was an idiot because now I was his “mentally ill patient”. I refused to tolerate this and I confronted him on his disrespect. He immediately become offended and walked off. That is when the third female colleague became my psychiatrist.
What I later found out after reading the her discharge notes, which she tried to prevent me from obtaining, was that I had been diagnosed completely and solely based on what my father (a physician) had told her before she spoke with me. My father whom I rarely spent time with and had only a superficial relationship with, knew very little about me and nothing about my personal life. He gave the same false and misleading information to this psychiatrist as he had to the ER physician and the Magistrate who ordered the involuntary commitment.
Later, in my original interview with this female psychiatrist, she began by acting very sweet until I told her something that unbeknownst to me she really didn’t want to hear. While she was interviewing me, and I was answering her questions, I happily responded to her that I was fine about what was happening to me because Jesus had allowed me to experience this so that I could write a book about it and teach people the Truth about the real cause of Psychological Disorders and demons. She became instantaneously angry, slammed her hand on the table and yelled at me that that is not true and walked off, while of course leaving her bad reaction out of her documentation.
From then on out the psychiatrist had a bad attitude around me and directly threatened to never allow me to leave the Psych ward if I didn’t take the anti-psychotic psychotropic medications and obey everything that she wanted me to do. If I didn’t take the drugs willingly she said that she would have me tied down and have the drugs forced into me intravenously. In my potential final exist interview with her, she asked me about my beliefs regarding what I had originally said to her, and asked me if I would keep taking the medication when I left. Of course I told her everything she wanted to hear and agreed with her on everything. Otherwise, as she had threatened me, she would have never let me leave. The day I was discharged and set free I cold turkeyed the horrible anti-psychotic psychotropic medications which caused me no harm in doing, and threw the full bag they gave me into the garbage. Taking the psychotropic medications had made me completely stop having bowl movements, which is dangerous and had caused me to gain weight.
While still in the hospital, I remember praying a lot and remaining on my knees praying for long periods of time on the hard floors, as is my normal practice to do for many years since my reversion back to Catholicism, long before the demonic interactions), but because of this, the psychiatrist and other staff labeled me with “religiosity”, which is an actual DSM psychiatric "mental illness" label (but homosexuality is not?). Everyone in Psychology and Psychiatry is trained to "look for" "pathology" (which are subjective based on a plethora of philosophical beliefs, including moral, immoral, or amoral as the case may be; NOT physiological science). This means that if you are on a locked down Psych Ward unit, then everything that you do that doesn’t fit the staffs’ and psychiatrists’ personal subjective perspective of “realistic” will be labeled “pathological”, especially anything having to do with a religion and God whom they may know nothing about.
For example, the psychiatrist documented that me talking about satan, Jesus, and Mary, meant that they were my “three personalities”. (And we wonder why the mental health system is broken?) As I previously mentioned, the psychiatrist also labeled me with “Bipolar I, Manic” at the suggestion of my father, who knew nothing about me nor my personal life. She even documented my normal personality of “intense and serious” as dysfunctional at my discharge from the hospital. In one incident, the other patients and I would hold hands in a circle as we would pray together for Jesus to heal them. The nursing staff kept coming up and interrupting our prayers for healing while adamantly telling us we should not be touching each other. The nursing staff saw holding hands and praying as a problem and pathology. My being a professional counselor and spiritual director motivated me to want to help the other patients whenever I was around them.
Being held “prisoner” on the 7th Floor Psych unit with “three hots and a cot” did absolutely nothing to help me or anyone else psychologically much less to become healed. It was like a full time day care center for adults. And for people who don’t want to help themselves or change it was paradise. (Do we STILL wonder why the mental health system is broken?) We had TV, played games, talked to each other, and once a day a sweet young women whom I assume had some kind of social work degree, would have us do some kind of ‘arts in crafts’, which we were told was voluntary. But after reading the report notes I found out that if you didn’t want to participate you were deemed dysfunctional. We were being baby sat, waited on, and entertained and that was all. I had warned Fr. Jean Pierre repeatedly in our spiritual direction sessions that I believed Jesus was warning me that I was going to put in prison some day. Fr. Jean Pierre would just laugh and not take it seriously. I never said or knew what kind of “prison”. I reminded him of this little fact when I saw him after I was finally released; he didn’t laugh then.
But before that happened, back on the 7th Floor, finally my good friend and priest Father James Collins (Fr. Jim) came to visit me. Father Jim new me and my psychological healing methods personally because I had taught them to him and helped him long before my demonic possession occurred, with permission from our Bishop, Peter Jugis’ and the direct consent of Fr. Jim’s spiritual director Fr. Wilbur Thomas. When he arrived, Fr. Jim gave me Jesus in Communion and he admitted that he was afraid to be in my presence after what he had been told by my parents. I immediately became indignant and became completely lucid in my thinking (I had just received Jesus for the first time since this all began). I sternly told Fr. Jim to knock off being afraid, grow up, be a mature adult, and that I needed him to start acting like a real priest, because no one else was. He was shocked and was immediately over his fear because now he felt offended. I then began to explain to him that I was being severely obsessed by a demon (which was all I understood at this time; I didn’t know that I was mildly possessed until confirmed later by another more educated priest on the subject) and I began to explain to Fr. Jim what he needed to do in order to help me. Being trained at a dissident seminary, Fr. Jim like most priests, had never been educated on the demonology nor liberation from demons. So Fr. Jim with his automatic minor exorcism authority by Jesus Christ, as a properly ordained Catholic priest in the state of grace, he repeated after me line by line a basic Prayer of Authority of the Catholic Church for deliverance from the demon while he put his hands on my head and prayed over me. Fr. Jim later told me it took him praying over me for deliverance two days in a row and me receiving Jesus in the Eucharist for several days before I was completely freed from the mild possession.
After the demon was no longer able to possess me, I became completely rational and remembered much of what had happened and what I had been doing while not blacked-out, including, but not limited to the details of interactions with three of my sisters, Maria, Sharon, and Liz, each of whom had individually come to visit me at different times. In addition, I suddenly remembered my patient rights and I informed the hospital staff that none of my relatives were allowed onto the unit at all for any reason, so I would have no interference with being able to leave. I then called the only local person I could trust, my close friend Deanna Graham, who along with Fr. Jim, I am immensely and forever grateful for her help and support. Deanna, her husband Joe, Fr. Jim, and Fr. Jean Pierre, were the only people other than Rindala who knew me personally and knew my psychology work, life style, and level of functioning before the incident (none of whom were ever interviewed by any hospital staff or police). About a week or so later, after the entire ordeal was over, Deanna, Joe, and I were talking in their living room about what had happened. Deanna voiced her concern about how I was treated from the start and that if what had happened became public it would have a negative effect on the psychology work I was trying to do in bringing to the world the Truth about psychology and how to receive lasting healing for all psychological disorders ("mental illnesses"). Joe responded confidently that we had nothing to worry about because this was actually going to prove what I teach is True and make me even more credible.
Before that conversation occurred however, back at the hospital on the phone with Deanna, I told her that I needed her to come to me asap and that I could not speak freely over the phone as the staff was listening. She came almost immediately. And in order to try and avoid the staff listening, we found a large group room and sat in one corner as far away from the door and whispered. Every time a staff member walked by or looked into the room we changed the subject to something superficial. I explained to Deanna what had REALLY happened and we both agreed that the only way the psychiatrist would release me was if I “played by their rules” and told everyone what they wanted to hear, which meant I could not say anything having to do with Jesus Christ, the Virgin Mary, my guardian angel, and demons. And it worked. After just as few days of seeing me behave "normally" in both objective reality and according to their secular perspectives, including not speaking about anything related to the spiritual world, I was told to join the substance abuse detox group therapy, which to the staff meant that I was considered "sane", because it was deemed a higher level of functioning than the "psychotic" unit. During the group meeting, across the halls on the 7th floor with no open windows, I saw a fly appear and disappear while flying around in front of me. I choose to ignore it and it disappeared permanently. And that was the last attempt by the demon. Soon after that I was released and I called Fr. Jim who came and picked me up.
There were several other things I experienced from the demon; things I obeyed in response to the demon, and things that were done to me by others who were involved in my involuntary hospitalization process during my mild possession which I have documented in writing, but for the sake of length or charity, I have not including them here. If I had been ignorant of the truth about Psychological Disorders; mental disturbances (aka mental illness) and how they are supposed to be diagnosed, and if I had remained on the obesity and Tartive Dyskinesia causing anti-psychotic psychotropic medications, and if I had not known what to do about the demon, and if I had obeyed and believed everything that modern psychology had taught me, and the psychiatrists, physicians, and nurses had told me, then I would still be psychotic, schizophrenic, and diagnosed with Bipolar with psychotic features to this day. Imagine how many people this is and has been happening to right now, simply because of what modern Psychology and Psychiatry erroneously believe and is failing to do to help them.
From my personal experience, even if a person is being obsessed or oppressed by a demon or mildly possessed by a demon and that demon told them to drive their car into an oncoming flow of traffic and cause an accident, or the demon told them to punch a police officer in the face, or the demon told them to buy a gun, go to a certain location and kill people, the person would never choose to do so if he or she was in the state of grace and believed that it was wrong and he or she didn’t want to harm other people in the first place. Our attractions, likes, dislikes, wants/desires, expectations, beliefs, thoughts, and their resulting emotions and spiritual feelings are always our free will to choose. Aquinas and the Catholic Church is very clear on the point that a demon cannot control our free will to choose.
“But the influence of the demon, as we know from Scripture and the history of the Church, goes further still. He may attack man's body from without (obsession), or assume control of it from within (possession). As we gather from the Fathers and the theologians, the soul itself can never be "possessed" nor deprived of liberty, though its ordinary control over the members of the body may be hindered by the obsessing spirit (cf. St. Aug., "De sp. et an.", 27; St. Thomas, "In II Sent.", d. VIII, Q. i; Ribet, "La mystique divine", Paris, 1883, pp. 190 sqq.).”
What the demon can do however during even mild possession, is to distort the person’s visual and auditory memories while causing the person's memories to “blackout”, thereby creating a false memory or the person having no memory of what he or she has done. As I have personally experienced and witnessed. This can make the person less culpable. However, as quoted above, a person who is mildly possessed by a demon in any degree still always has the use of their immaterial Soul: intellect (mind) and free will to choose. A demon mildly possessing a person only has the ability to control the body of the person (including the brain and sensory and imagery input). The brain is where blackouts occur whether caused by a demon or a chemical substance such as too much alcohol, thereby affecting the sensory memory and its images which are first located in the brain. All other memory is located in the intellect of the Soul. A demon cannot control the immaterial Soul: intellect (mind) and free will. And no one can sin against his or her will.
Bottom Line: It is interesting that there are many professionals, both religious and laity, who willingly admit that the behavioral symptoms of mild possession look the same and mimic those who are labeled with Schizophrenia or Bipolar with Psychotic Features, but these professionals still refuse to believe that demons are the cause of them in those suffering from Schizophrenia or Bipolar with psychotic features, with no scientific facts to prove otherwise, while trying to defend their belief with insufficient unsubstantiated evidence and no scientific facts. However, severe demonic obsession and oppression, and/or mild demonic possession are only part of what is happening with many of those who have been labeled with Schizophrenia or Bipolar with psychotic features for years and taking zombie creating psychotropic anti-psychotic medications for years. Unlike myself, these people have a lot more work to do than simply have the demon removed from them. These people have been intellectually irrational for so long due to types and degrees of sinful interior intellectual and sinful exterior choices and not helping themselves correctly that these people have layers upon layers of interior intellectual abstract irrational: feelings, emotions, thoughts, beliefs, expectations, wants/desires, likes, dislikes, and attractions, where the individual still has to cooperate with God to become permanently healed of, which is a process that takes time through my "10 Steps to Lasting Healing". Furthermore, the person has to want to correctly cooperate with God in this process and do their part. And the person also has to be willing to learn to stop allowing the demon to bother them: stop sinning mortally; including stopping their idolatrous addictions; aka "bad coping", and correctly protect themselves. If the individual doesn’t want to cooperate with any parts of this list, then nothing will change, because it is primarily and ultimately our free will to choose when the case is a Psychological Disorder; mental disturbance (aka mental illness).
© Copyright L K Miller de Vences
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